A Fresh Start

Well hello there! If you've walked with me any here on this internet footpath you know I slipped away for a little while. Ok, it's been almost two years.

I wasn't expecting to pull over at a rest stop from writing and speaking, and will probably share more in the months to come as to what led me to pause here in order to move into a quieter season. I'm honestly still reflecting on all God has done in and with us in the last couple of years. One of the changes is obvious with this new post: we welcomed a son into our family!

This is Waylon, or Baby Way, Way Way, the Way man, Waymore, Waylon Atlee, the Waymore estate, Snowman, or as his Sissy calls him, Chunky. We are not at a loss for nicknames for this chunk of sweetness, and loving on him is where the majority of my time is spent. When our daughter is out of school I share the time with her in her new world of heavier homework loads, a fuller extracurricular schedule and heartier conversations with Mama from the heart. It is good and beautiful, and at times exhausting and depleting in every human way. I am both grateful and groaning, aware of my blessed life and yet my constant need for Jesus in it every single step.

I so dearly want to be present to these children and my husband, but so many thieves lurk at the fence line of my soul daily. I've opened the door to several over the last couple of years, some unknowingly. For various reasons, including grief and trials, I've sought escape from so many of my moments. Can you relate? Even with blessings all around us, we can seek a life we aren't living, a land we aren't in, and shoes we aren't wearing. If Adam and Eve desired something more while basking in the perfection of Eden, we should not be surprised when we wander a bit off the trail ourselves.

The reality is sometimes the hardest place to be is where you are, here, in your life.

Sometimes the toughest mission field Jesus calls us to is the space between our two feet.

The gifts and blessings that may surround us today still reside in this land of the living where moth and rust destroy, bodies perish and darkness seeks to relentlessly choke our hope. There is a good reason Paul penned these words for us:

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9

No matter how good a life can be here, we can become weary in it. We can lose heart on the path and even give up. I don't mean fatally give up on living, nor do I suggest we can lose the secure salvation we have been promised in Jesus. Paul strengthens our heart with hope that we are sealed by His Spirit when we trust Jesus to save us eternally. This is why our souls can relax with Jesus, letting go of anxious fears of being separated by Him because of our wanderings and failures and focus instead on following Him in love:

"And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of his glory." Ephesians 1:13-14 (emphasis added)

It is because I'm sealed and guaranteed an inheritance forever with Jesus that I'm going around now to assess what needs attention in my present season. What has taken the place of comfort and nourishment for me where Jesus belongs? What hurts have I stuffed in a box and shoved in the back of a closet that need to be sifted and submitted to my Healer? What dreams have gone unnoticed because I've resigned to a wrong belief that the best is behind me? How can I apply even the tiniest diligence (because it may be tiny right now) to the tending of my soul so I experience Jesus more vibrantly at work in my life?

In full confession I became weary at the end of 2021 and it has since been a journey of healing -- a recovery of soul and body. My mid-life intersected with major life change and some key heartaches that took me straight into the cocoon with Jesus where everything turns fluid (and unrecognizably messy!) before it takes new shape. But, I sense a time of reemerging coming, for me signaled by my desire to write some words I want to share again. (It could also be because I'm finally getting sleep again thanks to Waylon now getting through the night!) I'm not rushing back, I'm not hurried or anxious about what to write and how often, I'm just curious what Jesus may do in my soul as I turn my attention more in His direction. What might I hear? What might I realize I had all wrong about Him that brings me greater freedom? What might I remember about Him that grounds me in courage and hope?

I want to want to stay in my own shoes, in my life here and now with Jesus and my people. But I still don't "want to" often, so my prayer is for Him to change my desire and in the meantime help me train up my body and stir up my soul in ways that help me experience Him with me more. I want to live my life with intention because I'm rounding into the latter half-ish of my life and am choosing to believe Jesus still has much for me and much yet He wants to do in and through me. Ultimately His life in mine is what gives my life meaning, and my meaningful life is the only one I get to experience so I certainly don't want to miss it. Don't you want to experience yours, too? Don't you want to marvel at His activity in your life? Don't you want the "abundant life" He said was His purpose in coming to this Earth? Don't take my word for it:

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." John 10:10

I've experienced this "abundant life" with Him before, I can testify it is real but it's not something I bought online. It's not something I got by standing on a stage with hundreds of listeners. It wasn't sourced in praise, paychecks, even golden parenting moments. It's also something I have lost touch with lately, but I'm thankful we get to regularly start fresh.

Oh friend, I pray we find our way back to Jesus with us in our present lives, walking with us in our shoes, and discover the marvelous wonders He has for us here in our meaningful lives. I pray my writings here will help point us to this mission field most of all.

Also here, if you've been here before you'll notice we've freshened up my little writing house. Just like my real house has completely changed in aesthetic -- this little writing house needed a new feel and some new technological improvements. Like in any move you lose things, or old things just don't quite go in a new space. For my little writing house I lost my old blog posts that filled the space for years. I've cried a bit, and I may still pull some fragments together to help tell current stories with past remembrances, but sometimes to embrace the new season we have to completely let go of the old one, even the good and beautiful things we once that would matter to us forever.

And that too is good, and beautiful.

So here's to a fresh start, new steps, old truths with beautiful and good discoveries yet ahead for us all!